Dear J.Crew

Sigh.... The January 2009 J.Crew catalog came in the mail yesterday. Normally, I get excited when the J.Crew catalog arrives. I can't wait to see all the pretty and preppy things that they've come up with now. I will wear pants if J.Crew says the color is Jasmine, but if it says pink, well then no dice.

Anyway, yesterday's catalog didn't produce that normal glee that comes when I find a new catalog to flip through. Why not? It was because of the cover.

Forgive me in advance, but I tried scanning a picture in of the cover and found out that my printer is broken. Fan-f'ing-tastic!!! My negative mood could have been slightly enhanced by the broken printer, but that's a rant for another day.

Back to J.Crew. I have two major issues with this new cover.

Beef #1: J.Crew, darlings, it's January. Today in my area there was a winter storm warning. That doesn't scream, "hey, let's put on a bikini and run around outside!" Also along with this line of reasoning, it's January!!! I just packed on a few pounds over the holidays. The very last thing I want to do this month is fit into a bikini. Now, if you have a slimming tankini that will magically take 5lbs off of my abs, then you might have a deal. I know the fashion world moves at a different pace than the normal world, but I'm in the mood for your yummy cashmere turtlenecks and not skimpy bathing suits! The final nail in the coffin was the tag line, "It's always warm somewhere." That's about as logical as the line, "it's five o'clock somewhere."

Beef #2: I get it, I don't have the body of a supermodel and I never will. I'm 5'7" and in the supermodel/fashion world that makes me the size of a mini-human. The one obvious and glaring exception to this rule is Kate Moss and I, unfortunately, do not have her fantastic bone structure. I get that models are these "perfect" glamazons, but I still think your cover art is stretching that to a whole new level. I'm going to throw it out there, but I'm guessing that this woman is about 8ft tall. She very well could be gorgeous, most of her face is covered so it's hard to tell, but she's too darn tall and skinny that she looks out of this world. The woman is making the rest of your models look short and stubbly. That's messed up!


Now, J.Crew, I love you. I do, you know it and my bank account can confirm this relationship. I outfitted my wedding party in cute and adorable outfits from your collection (and totally re-wearable I might add!). My husband knows you are my go to place for a cute dress and that I will never give up my magic wallet. Your flip flops got me through college! I will never let go of you.

Please, pretty please, make next month's catalog cover better.